So it's been a little over two years since I had a breakdown, not to the day or anything. I am not fully better but I am doing a lot better than I was two years ago. People need to realise depression is about dealing, making steps forward, not a complete cure.
It wasn't the first time I suffered serious depression. I had money worries and bad work situations in the past that really brought me low, and I my doctors and I think I have probably had anxiety since childhood.
But what matters is I survived, I made it through. It still isn't easy but I make it every day.
I have had bad times before and after that. I had a lot of anxiety and depression due to work stress in the past, and suffered physical symptoms from that.
I still have social anxiety, and am still trying to get up the courage to tell people to just fuck off when they treat me with disrespect. I am still much too polite.
I've been lucky to have a supportive partner and BFF and not have any really bad side effects with medicine. My partner helped me stop self harming back in around 2007 and I haven't had a serious cut since then.
I have trouble sleeping and horrible dreams which can make it hard to get through the day, but having my dog is one of the best things to keep me going, I am very lucky to live somewhere I can have a pet.
I have always been imaginative and it still kills me that the world we live in cannot match my dreams. I have to believe that there is magic hidden in the world, its part of what keeps me going.
I still am not 100% sure where my life is going, I want to write and I'd like to help animals. I really don't have that much energy and I am not sure if I could even work a part time job. I hope to focus on my writing.
I try to focus on things that make me happy and not to push myself
too hard or expect too much of myself. The troubles of the world affect
me very strongly, I try to avoid the news. Thanks to my anxiety I have
to deal with constant thoughts of terrible things which is always fun.
Meditation doesn't really work for me, when its silent is the worst
time, so headphones with music, movies and books help distract me.
Dressing up is a big thing for me, it helps me feel awesome and get me
out of the house. Friends are the best and make me feel very happy and
Surviving is what matters.