24/07/13- 25/07/13 pretty much a stream of thought, draining from my head in puzzle pieces over the hours, I don't normally show such unedited writing, but this is from the soul. Soulstreamconciousness
I have always been inspired by the strange and beautiful. In my early teens it was Lestat, rockstar vampire, later on, in my black lace Goth teen years, David Bowie was an inspiration to me. His strange, abstract lyrics, the idea of recreating yourself as something strange and beautiful. I have spent over a quarter of my life trying to find myself, so I can really appreciate that. I was never happy to just go along, I tried that and it didn't work for me.
anyway, a few weeks ago, maybe less, I heard about Velvet Goldmine
it's also about recreating yourself, and a bit about Dorian Grey, and a lot about Glam.
it sounds weird to say but if you saw me in high school you wouldn't recgonise me. A mousy, runty kid with her head in a book and no social skills. well i still have my head in a book but I bluffed socialisation so long I eventually got the hang of it. Also I now have more friends with things in common with me. people I can relate to. it just took me time to find my place in the world.
i have always said i am a changeling, a lost faerie child, lost in a world of humans.
i even changed my name, and although I am not a rockstar I feel like I really did get reborn. from a caterpillar to a beautiful interstellar butterfly.
what is it about? elegant outrageousness to challenge the dull grey conformity we are born into? a world where teenagers get drunk and hook up with other teenagers as a social conformity, vile bodies merging with other vile bodies? i wanted something more, not tied to this earth with flesh, not fumbling in the dark, not just of a room but of existence. the dark age of humanity, no light to shine our way, no stars to be seen, an empty firmament of man's self worship. I always knew I wanted more, wanted to be more.
innocence, mixed with danger, mixed with darkness, we create our own worlds. the past and the future all at once. dirty decayed cities filled with magic, gleaming extraterristrial gods that look like beautiful dandies. we shock with glamour. every identity only a stepping stone on the way to the next. collecting soul kin on our way to the stars.
we can write worlds but we can't just dream it, we must be it! it is a Steampunk Revolution, a revolution of dandies and goths, and glitter children, a secret revolution no one understands. it's not just about dressing the part, it is being the part. Our clothes are who we are. we are someone different when we put them on. we are all transforming ourselves, caterpillars into coccoons into butterflies then into something much much better, something not yet discovered.
we are the lace and we are the silk silk sheets and the late nights and early mornings spent scribbling. We are our songs. We are our dreams. We dream ourselves up on moonless nights, and weave ourselves of spider silk.
writers and dandies, artists, musicians, we can be anything. the only failure is not to believe this.